High Heat Brings Things to a Boil
The ruckus in Florida that overcooked my coaching reputation
The 2017 NCAA Division II South Regional Cross Country Championships took place in Lakeland, Florida, under sweltering conditions. The men's 10,000-meter race began with the temperature already at 77 degrees, and it only got worse from there. If you've ever run in the southern heat, you'll know that it’s not just the temperature—it’s the relentless humidity, sticking to your skin and making every breath feel heavier.
I had been the assistant coach for this team for two years. Despite holding several head coaching positions in the past, I moved to the South because I believed in what the school had to offer. Coming from Division I, I was excited to be part of a special program as it transitioned into Division II. The head coach, who had led the team for 16 years, brought me on board to handle the distance runners, specifically cross-country.
We had prepared for the race as much as possible—hydration strategies, pacing plans, everything I knew about thermal regulation and endurance. But nothing could prepare the athletes for what happened that day. By the halfway mark of the race, I could already see the writing on the wall. The heat was brutal. Athlete after athlete began to stagger off the course. Some collapsed, disoriented, hallucinating, and calling out. The medical tent looked like a war zone—athletes packed into makeshift cooling tubs, emergency personnel scrambling to treat them, core body temperatures being checked with the urgency of life and death.
One athlete, Alec, pushed himself beyond his limit. By the end of the race, we were arranging for him to go to the hospital. We called his parents to meet him there as we prepared for the long, 12-hour drive back home. This wasn’t just a bad day for the team; it felt like carnage. No one performed well, but for us, it felt particularly devastating.
After the chaos subsided, I approached the head coach. My plan was simple: express my frustration with the championship committee for scheduling the race at 10 AM, knowing full well that the temperatures would be unbearable. I thought we could talk through the issue.
What happened next blindsided me. Instead of sharing in my concern, the head coach immediately launched into criticism. He was furious that I hadn’t consulted him on how to train the athletes for the heat. In his eyes, I had gone rogue, neglecting his experience, and that was unacceptable.
The tension that had been simmering between us for months boiled over in that moment. Right there, in front of the entire Southern school representation at the regional championships, we erupted into a screaming match. The heat of the day paled in comparison to the heat of our argument. Words were thrown back and forth, egos clashed, and under the scorching Florida sun, everything came to a head.
Rising Temperatures, Rising Tempers
Now I don’t want to point any fingers at him. I will take 99% of the blame in this story. But, looking back, it’s no surprise that things between the head coach and me eventually exploded. For two years, we rarely communicated despite both being experienced coaches. We never sat down to strategize, plan, or align our approaches to the athletes. It was as though we were on two separate teams, and the silence between us became the norm. Even on long bus rides—hours of travel where most coaches would collaborate, solve problems, or just get to know each other—we didn’t speak. I traveled next to him, but we might as well have been on different buses.
The truth is, when you neglect communication and fail to address the small issues, they pile up. We never laid the groundwork for handling everyday disagreements or logistical problems. Instead, those issues festered and grew into something much bigger. By the time race day in Lakeland came around, all it took was a spark—the heat, the stress, the poor results—for everything to go up in flames.
Cooling the Flames: Modern Research on Conflict Resolution
Looking back, modern research on conflict resolution helps explain why this blow-up was inevitable. Experts emphasize that assertive communication—clear, respectful, and consistent—is crucial to addressing small frustrations before they escalate into major disputes. Emotional intelligence, the ability to manage our own emotions while understanding others', is another key factor. The lack of communication between us led to a breakdown in emotional regulation. Without collaboration or a shared understanding, our frustration was bound to boil over.
In hindsight, I see that we skipped the most basic steps of building a working relationship. If we had established clear communication and addressed the small things along the way, we might have prevented the big blow-up that happened at the worst possible time.
Keeping Cool Under Pressure: Knowing When to Speak
Proverbs 17 places great emphasis on the restraint of speech, underscoring that not every thought or frustration should be voiced. However, restraint doesn’t mean complete silence or avoidance of conflict—it means knowing when to speak and when to hold back.
Proverbs 17:1: "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife." This verse suggests that peace is far more valuable than indulgence accompanied by conflict. It highlights how unnecessary disputes or complaints can disturb harmony, even in prosperous situations.
Proverbs 17:14: "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." Here, Solomon warns that initiating unnecessary conflict can unleash uncontrollable consequences, just like breaching a dam. This illustrates the importance of discernment in knowing when to speak and when to let things go, understanding that certain issues may not be worth the potential damage they can cause.
Proverbs 17:27-28: "The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues." These verses emphasize the wisdom in controlling one’s tongue. Silence is not the absence of communication but rather a thoughtful decision to avoid escalating conflicts unnecessarily.
That said, Proverbs 17 also makes it clear that avoiding conflict entirely can be problematic. Complete silence or avoiding necessary communication allows unresolved issues to linger and escalate:
Proverbs 17:9: "Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." While restraining speech is wise, this verse reminds us that some conflicts must be addressed to foster reconciliation and love. Avoiding these conversations entirely, or bringing them up again without resolution, can damage relationships.
Proverbs 17:19: "Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction." This verse warns that seeking out conflict is dangerous, but it also suggests that building barriers—metaphorically represented by a "high gate"—invites destruction. Avoiding communication and building walls instead of addressing small issues can ultimately lead to a breakdown in relationships.
Proverbs 17:10: "A rebuke impresses a discerning person more than a hundred lashes a fool." Necessary confrontation, when done with wisdom and restraint, is beneficial. A discerning person values correction and growth from minor conflicts, unlike a fool who refuses to learn.
Extinguishing the Fire: Lessons Learned
Looking back on that moment in 2017, I now see with clarity how this confrontation could have been avoided. If both my head coach and I had communicated more effectively, set clearer expectations, or addressed the small tensions and past conflicts as they arose, this blow-up might never have happened. We spent two years avoiding conversations that should have taken place, letting unresolved issues fester. By the time the pressure reached its peak, it only took the heat of race day to ignite an explosion.
This experience taught me some hard but valuable lessons as a coach and a leader. I realized that avoiding conflict doesn’t make it disappear. Addressing small issues early on, with emotional intelligence and mutual respect, is the key to preventing minor disagreements from spiraling into major conflicts. I’ve become more intentional about fostering open communication and being proactive in resolving tensions before they grow out of control. Now, I strive to create an environment where my team and I can engage in meaningful discussions, even when it’s uncomfortable because that’s what helps relationships—and teams—grow stronger.
The wisdom from modern research and the insights from Proverbs align perfectly: effective communication and conflict resolution, rooted in emotional intelligence, are essential for maintaining healthy, functional relationships. Proverbs 17 teaches that while restraint in speech is wise, avoiding necessary conversations can be equally damaging. Thoughtfully managing conflict, and balancing patience with assertiveness, paves the way for lasting peace and stability.
Turn Down the Heat: A Call for Reflection
Now, I encourage you to reflect on your own relationships, whether at work, at home, or in your personal life. How do you handle conflict? Are you allowing small issues to simmer under the surface, waiting for them to explode? Do you communicate assertively, or do you avoid difficult conversations until they become unavoidable?
Take a moment to evaluate how you manage communication and conflict. Challenge yourself to apply the lessons from both modern research and Proverbs: address small issues early, with emotional intelligence and a willingness to listen. By doing so, you’ll not only prevent unnecessary blow-ups but also strengthen the relationships that matter most to you.