You Meet Some of the Most Interesting People in the Mall

I hate the mall!

I don’t know why I was there . . . I hate the mall! After 25 years of teaching and coaching, there’s a really good chance that you’re going to run into someone you know, or at least that you’re supposed to know. Now, even though these student / athletes are some of the most interesting characters, at the time, eventually, they pass into history, becoming distant thoughts, only recalled when someone mentions their name, a story. I remember the very first time that I ran into one of my former students. I saw someone in their late 20s walking towards me.

As I walked, trying to stay under the radar, I noticed someone had recognized me. They made eye contact, pointed briefly, and then turned to the person beside them, mouthing my name. We locked eyes again, and they walked toward me—brisk but friendly. The moment they greeted me, calling me by my formal name, I knew this was a former student. They introduced me to the person they were with, their face full of joy, hand gestures warm and inviting.

Then they said something that caught me off guard.

They recalled, with great fondness, something I had said to them years ago. Apparently, during a difficult moment, I told them I believed in them, that I knew they could overcome their challenge, and that I would stand by them as they wrestled with it so we could celebrate their success together. They called it transformative.

I have to be honest: I had no idea what they were talking about. I couldn’t remember the moment, the assignment, or even the conversation. But it was clear to me that something I said on that day made a profound difference in their life. And in that moment, I realized something: the power not just of my attitude but of my words. Whatever had happened that day, however I had felt, somehow, I brought my best, and it landed squarely in that young person’s heart.

Warm Words Works Wonders

This realization brings me to Proverbs 18, which perfectly captures the immense power of our words.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” When I heard that former student describe our conversation, I realized how true this is. The words I spoke were life-giving to them, and though I didn’t recall the moment, it left an impression so deep that it stayed with them for years. Every conversation, every word we offer has the potential to either breathe life into someone or diminish their spirit. In that instance, my words gave life, and the fruit of that moment was the growth and transformation they experienced.

Proverbs 18:4 also resonates here: “The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.” The words we speak, especially when we believe in someone, can have layers of depth and meaning. What I said, on what seemed to me like an ordinary day, was received as something much deeper—something that nourished their spirit. What’s remarkable is that, in leadership and coaching, we often don’t realize that even small gestures of encouragement or belief can serve as a fountain of wisdom that continuously nourishes those who hear it.

Lastly, Proverbs 18:20 states, “From the fruit of a man's mouth his stomach is satisfied; he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.” This proverb speaks to the lasting satisfaction and fulfillment that comes from speaking wisely. While I might not have known in that moment the impact I was making, I can now see the long-lasting fruit of my words. It’s a reminder that our speech, when rooted in wisdom and belief in others, will always bear good fruit—both for those who receive it and for us when we see its positive effects.

In leadership, coaching, or education, words are our greatest tool. They shape the environment, the attitude, and the mindset of the team. Every word we speak has the potential to build up or tear down. And, as I was reminded in that unexpected encounter in the mall, it’s often the words of encouragement, belief, and support that leave the longest-lasting impressions.

This heartfelt moment also reminds me of the other side of that very touching coin. When I began working in college athletics, the dynamic shifted slightly. I was working with older, more experienced student-athletes, and by “more experienced,” I mean they had already encountered a variety of people—teachers, coaches, mentors—along the way. Unfortunately, many of them had stories of coaches and teachers who used their words as weapons, communicating disappointment and dissatisfaction through harsh and cutting speech.

I can’t tell you how many times an athlete would sit down in my office, recounting moments when a former coach’s or teacher’s strong, negative words deeply affected them. These weren’t stories of encouragement or constructive criticism; these were moments that left a mark, not of motivation, but of self-doubt and discouragement. Occasionally, one of them would even thank me for not using words like that, and I began to see just how much damage careless speech can cause.

Harsh Words Harm Hearts

It makes sense, though. Proverbs 18 has just as much to say about the power of negative speech as it does about the positive. In fact, these three specific verses highlight just how destructive words can be.

First, Proverbs 18:6 states, “A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.” This proverb perfectly encapsulates how harsh or reckless words can lead to conflict and pain. I’ve seen this firsthand in athletics, where a coach’s unchecked criticism or a teammate’s harsh words created unnecessary tension, leading to arguments and division. Instead of resolving issues or guiding an athlete, negative speech only invites more strife, often making an already difficult situation worse.

Then there’s Proverbs 18:7: “A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul.” This speaks directly to the long-term effects of harsh speech. Negative words—whether from a coach or anyone in leadership—can leave lasting damage, not just to the recipient but to the one who speaks them as well. It damages relationships, creates barriers to trust, and, over time, can ruin the culture of a team. I’ve witnessed the aftermath of these situations, where athletes lose faith in their leaders and sometimes even in themselves because of the constant barrage of negativity.

Finally, Proverbs 18:8 says, “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.” Gossip, criticism, or harsh judgment, especially when spoken behind someone’s back, can seep deeply into a person’s heart. Just like kind words can uplift, harsh words—especially when repeated or spread in whispers—take root in people’s minds and become a source of long-term emotional harm. I remember times when athletes came to me, haunted by things they overheard or learned were said about them. It only takes a few words to plant seeds of doubt, which can grow into insecurities that last for years.

As coaches, leaders, and teachers, it’s easy to overlook the power of our words in moments of frustration. But the truth is, those words can either lift someone up or become a stumbling block. Proverbs 18 reminds us that while our words can heal and build, they can also destroy and divide if not used wisely.

Proverbs 18 and the Power of Words

In the end, Proverbs 18 gives us a clear picture of the power of our words, comparing them to life-giving fountains and fruit. Proverbs 18:4 tells us, “The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.” Our words, when spoken with wisdom and care, can refresh and sustain those around us, just like a fountain nourishes the thirsty. Similarly, Proverbs 18:20 reminds us that, “From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied; he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.” Words that are filled with truth, encouragement, and wisdom not only nourish others, but they also yield satisfaction for the speaker, creating a ripple effect of positivity and growth.

But Proverbs is clear: just as words can give life, they can also lead to destruction. On the opposite side of the life-giving fountain is folly. Proverbs 18:2 states, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” This is the essence of folly—speaking without wisdom, without thought, and without care for how those words might impact others. Where wise words nourish and build, folly creates chaos. The careless, harsh, or thoughtless words spoken in frustration or anger don’t just dissipate; they linger, eroding trust, confidence, and relationships.

The stark contrast between the fountain of wisdom and the folly of careless speech reminds us how crucial it is to be intentional every day about what comes out of our mouths. Every interaction—whether with a teammate, a student-athlete, or a colleague—is an opportunity to choose between building up or tearing down. Our words, like the fountain, can refresh, bring clarity, and give life—or like folly, they can confuse, discourage, and harm.

As leaders, educators, and coaches, we hold immense responsibility. Every word we speak carries the potential to shape the lives of those we influence. And while we won’t always get it right, we must strive daily to choose words that reflect wisdom, kindness, and encouragement, for in them is the power to bring life and transformation to those we lead.